Be The Light

This article is very personal, perhaps uncomfortably so. It’s a subject where there are no happy stories. It is about suicide.

Suicide is on the rise. Globally there are now a million suicide deaths annually. National statistics show a 125 percent rise in the past decade, and locally we have seen an increase.

According to studies, severe depression has increased among teenagers by 50 percent.

Not long ago I had teenagers, and I saw the fear and confusion that can accompany their lives. But children often shield their parents from the forces that tear at their self-esteem. I have my own fear of any child ever feeling so desperate; I want them to know Dad can help.

Middle-aged suicides also have increased. A Rutgers University study partly attributes this to a realization that life did not turn out as they’d planned. By that time in life, however, depression is often masked by developed characteristics that belie pain. In fact, humor can be a brilliant disguise.

Years ago I went through a period of depression when post-divorce circumstances meant my children would be living in another city. Not having my young sons to put to bed every night and take to school was the opposite of my life dream and I went into a downward spiral from which I started to believe I would never recover.

I didn’t believe I was suicidal, but my thoughts drifted toward anything to end the heartache. Most suicidal people don’t want to die, they just want the pain to stop.

Help came to me. A friend saw a change in me and assembled other fathers one evening. They each reminded me of my unique bond with my sons and my darkness began to fade; a stronger self was within reach.

Not everyone is as fortunate, and that is where we come in. We must be aware of each other and make contact. Authentic interaction makes a difference. We have to reach out; not only when we’re concerned for a loved one, but just to show each other that we’re here and we are not alone.

Some people mask their pain so well there is no way to know even when we are with them. But every channel or path that is opened can show a troubled soul there is light.

Suicide is not an easy topic to discuss, but being able to talk about it is necessary. We must feel safe talking about losses, pains, and fears at the root of depression. Depression, whether temporary or deeply rooted, can be channeled into new thoughts and energy that can be the beginning of change.

We need community bridges of support so our children, colleagues and even those we don’t know feel there is a space for them, a space where they can, once again, see the light of living.

The complexities of depression cannot be solved with only a phone call or a hug, but they don’t hurt, and most importantly they can lead to counseling that can help. They also remind us we are not alone and that might be what was needed most.

The best part is we don’t have to wait to start the healing. We can begin right now.

If you need to talk at any time, there is the 988 Lifeline. Never be embarrassed or ashamed about any degree of sadness or depression. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is (800) 273-8255